If my wife did this, I doubt I'd ever care to be into intimate with her again. Can you explain this because its giving homophobia, It could damage his reputation. Now this doesnt mean shes a 100% shit person. Divorce is an option if you cant get past this but it deserves an effort. Don't let her victimize herself or try and guilt trip you. My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to her friends, which makes her even worse. Your wife said that she accidently let slip two years ago you were bi. One of the things they dont tell you about relationships is that you gotta be able to stand up for your SO when the time comesso even if OPs wife doesnt actually believe all that and bent to peer pressure, that really sucks and Im sorry she feels that way with her friends, but she shouldnt be surprised if she loses her husband. The whole oh I was just really drunk excuse for any stupid decision is pure bullshit. Your wives friends are just horrible little Voltures and spineless cowards, definitely go have that drink with your friend and have some time to just calm down and have a break from this shit show. At the beginning of the marriage endometriosis and disparei is, we spent almost an year without sex, I was always by her side, left the work early, never even thought about hookups or relief with other women. Drunk or not, does not excuse their unwarranted behaviour. She has been entertaining this for two years because she can't control her mouth when she's drinking. I suggest an open minded conversation. Girls can be katty and have fun taking diggs at each other (guys too but its a stereotypical thing with girls). Im one of the long time married people commenting in this sub. If everything else is great, and she is genuinely remorseful, and willing to work on your relationship, I don't see why you should write off your life together. He heard her, not us) about visualizing other men. So she outed you, and joked with friends about fantasizing about other men during sex because of your sexuality? Fuck her if she cannot be your confidant she's worthless, tell her to get rid of her hateful friends. I think that sometimes both men and women have a form of locker room talk with their friends about topics that maybe they arent entirely truthful about with their friends in order to make them feel better. The mmmhmmm's give that away. Everyone doesnt wAnt an asshole who You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. Yeah. Its amazing where friendship comes from in the darkest of times. I turned to my wife with a raised eyebrow and announced I guess you didnt have me pegged to be a man that would stand up for himself! And I majestically brushed my cape back and walked right out of the house. So what you should do? Did she give me advice? She feels bad for being caught. Therefore I would talk to her about her views on it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this. But I bet, she has told other people many years ago about it. Shes the one the initiates that kind of sex (pegging, butt play, d/s stuff.none of which is exclusive to bi men btw) most the time! You have a couple of children and a good life up until now. It takes a bigger person to take the high road, and most people are not. My bf and I have been together not long 3 years but hes 33, I 27, and whenever there is even a shred of something that bugs either one of us we tell each other. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. Not to mention she outed him and didn't even come clean and let him know, instead allowed the jokes to flow for a couple years - that's pretty unforgivable. I am so sorry. This story isnt funny but that first line killed me. Im sorry dude but girlfriends have secrets and Im pretty sure that there are conversations youve had that youd be ashamed for your wife to have heard. This was not stupid. Book an appointment with a therapist, maybe meet up with the one friend who called you, and after a couple of days reassess whether or not you want to try to make things work. Best of luck. First of all, I don't trust your wife. If you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary. Your sex life sounds amazing. She doesnt respect you, man. Your wife was actively talking shit about you behind your back when she thought you werent listening. She swears she does love our sex life and the things we do and is sorry. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. Think about you right now, and what you want. Take a few days away from everything. That is why we married each other. Couples counseling could help. And as a low blow it is, it's an easy way out for a quick laugh among her judgemental friends. Are there no angry bi men who look like grocery store managers? How horrible she is, violating you, your sex life, envisioning other people. She is the one that keeps bringing up your bisexuality to make herself look like the rise to her friends, so she's biphobic as fuck. i would like to add a partner should never ever make you feel ashamed or embarrassed about your sexuality. Chin up man. Sorry bro, you got something thinking to do Ngl bro the first halve is disrespect enough, you now know she keeps important shit to herself like Tom tryna derail your marriage and is at the same time comfortable sharing your personal life with her friends and entertaining her friends disrespecting you in your own home. It was lovely that the mate called you and said what he did. Personal details should remain private. But what usually happens when one partner doesnt respect the other is that it festers. She values her homophobic friends' opinions more than your feelings. While true, sometimes people just want to fit in. I want to know how shes going to deal with her friends going forward. Also, the fact that she let her friends talk shit about him while she and OP are supposed to be in a happy marriage Damn, that says a lot. She probably just wants to belong and is afraid to stand up to, i am guessing here, to friends with stronger personalities. What a surprise, all her excuses completely absolve her! you'd be shocked but how many wives/girlfriends go into detail about their sex lives with their friends. I would just ask why her friends opinions matter more than yous twos intimacy. I hope you are able to get marriage counseling and find a way through this wether it ends with you together or not. Do not just shrug it off if you stay. But please know this, todays generation can say theyre in the exact same boat as you and face no issues from same aged folks. She stopped criticizing after that. Must feel betrayed and really hurt. She sounded way too comfortable with what she was saying (based on OP's description. A random guy you barely know has stuck more by you tonight than your own wife does on the regular. Implying that OP's "flaw" as husband material is because he not 100% straight and slept with men is homophobic. Do not make them feel you're different because you're not! Sending you strength. Personally, I would consider this along the same lines of cheating in my relationship, because it's a complete breach of trust and security you're supposed to have with your partner. Don't be embarrassed about any of that stuff, everyone knows now so just own it. Best of luck with whatever you decide! I agree though it does sound like she started the mocking of his sexuality. To at least one person. It was never between you and them anyway. As a not entirely straight guy myself I would be pretty mortified to go through this. Those so called friends are not real friends. A Young Boy Hires Prostitute For One Hour 42:46. Accept yourself, just try to improve. Best of luck, stay happy, and be you (those who disagree can simply get out). You have every right to your feelings and if the roles were reversed there would still be hurt feelings. You are who you are, it's a done deal. Bruuh this is too much for me I'm 52 yrs old, veteran, communications workers close to company retirement, whatever you do just enjoy life. The sheer betrayal of trust is breathtakingly awful. That should have been end of story then and there. THAT is a stand up friend. There's a wide gulf between those that think that's okay and the rest of us. She and her boyfriend did it regularly. This is tough, because you're obviously going through it and I'm sorry you are hurt, very truly. If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. It sucks. I just dont believe that all the people who have commented how awful your wife is, have never said things they regret. Do good anyway. Although, bi men have it way worse. No true friend will stab you in the back. I told her if she kept talking shit about him, I'd stop talking to her. I told this to my then partner with all the trust in the world. Maybe things that we say passively just to get our friends to laugh and joke, but arent meant to be taken seriously. Best to you. All I can tell you is that it will all pass in good time, and you deserve better, and if she cant be better it ought to be from someone else. I don't know what I'd do. I reckon that weve all said things we wouldnt want our SO to hear at some point. Are you being a bit harsh? If its been a long time she maybe used to be that way but not anymore and still knows how to do the diggs they like. OP can do better than Tom. And if they give you a hard time, then fuck em! About number 2, she's lying and trying to back pedal. It doesn't matter how private it is, or if they say they don't, they talk. Not the act itself. I would be so freaking upset & sad. What else is she keeping from OP? If you love her at your core, and want to work through it then work but it doesn't have to happen quickly or on any schedule. Just want to say the other husband is a stand up guy. She criticized him and tried to get me to break up with him. That's what's really completely messed up - she's been joking with pals behind his back for a couple years and never told him she had slipped up. For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. Don't rush the feels phase. What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. Tom hasn't been relevant for seven years. Not such perfect marriage after all. First let me say your SO is the fucking worst in my humble opinion. Oh theyre judgmental so I wanted to fit in why do you wanna fit in with these people who dont respect the person you love most? It sounds more like it's a matter of comfort and trust. First of all, I think we all say less than admirable things about our SOs at times. If so, I think you should try. As Ive gotten older and talked/listened to more and more people, it definitely seems like most toxic masculinity stems from mens encounters with women they trusted, not other men. A couple of laffs? That is a childish excuse, to blame alcohol for being a terrible friend and partner. 2. ! for a few minutes. No partner with a shred of empathy or decency would value the opinions of their friends over their partner's wellbeing. Try marriage counseling and perhaps moving away for a new start. Maybe. I mean i think you can talk it out?? Then one girl left and all of a sudden the other girl is giving pointers! Birds of a feather flock together. I'll be dammed if a single one of my friends said anything like that about my man. Watch your back op!! You will never have that trust again. BS. Seems like part of the issue here is how ashamed you are of your own sexuality. Once your sexual history was out in the open and left you vulnerable to her girlfriends judgements, she decided to join in and talk shit about it and mention that she thinks of other men while pleasuring you since it turns her off. But try couples counseling and go from there. My conjecture is that she did so because of the above reasons basically to seem cool. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. Though she made some comments around it to her female friends, I would not take those seriously (imagining other men etc). Im in a similar, but much weirder, relationship (Im actually gay and married to a straight woman, we have an open marriage for our sex life, and a great family home life). Just as all good things come to an end, so too do all the bad things. Couples therapy is a must, but it is on your wife to earn your trust back. Will you ever be able to trust her with any important information again? I got halfway through before searching "fake" in the comments. Juatt know that that is okay and it can take as long as it takes. Im extremely sorry this happened to you OP. Doesn't matter if she means it or not. I was in a conversation with two other girls about anal sex. If my friends talked about my SO like that I would be livid and we wouldnt be friends anymore. . I think you should try to work this out. I am floored you are the only person who has pointed this out. She's betrayed you. If you are honest, people may cheat you. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. I (28M) with fiance (27F) about a month ago overheard her tell a friend her previous Ex was the best lover she ever had It was quite by accident that I heard this. I mean, youre not wrong petty king/queen. Shes not doing bi stuff with you in bed, she was initiating sexual acts that exist in all relationships, not bi-dating-straight. Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your marriage. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. She NEVER told me this. I found out that Im extremely affects by stress, including fight at home. Remember also that it is okay to feel uncomfortable - instead of fighting these feelings, allow them to just pass through you. I mean, what you probably should have done was just walk quietly back to the garage and talk about it in private with your wife later- like an adult. Yet, evrything else you've said indicates that she does value you: this relationship was not strained up until this point, and nobody (apart from some really messed up people) can "play pretend" for so long. I dated a man who tried to beat the bisexuality out of me because the few girl friends I had were "my type." How much more reassurance do you need? Wife and I have been married 7 years and its literally the marriage everyone wants. Why was this in turn a secret kept from you? Then throw in this scenario that she was bisexual and the "boys" called her a "butch lesbian who doesn't really like dick.". Thats not the kind of person you stay with. I could not imagine this type of betrayal and I hope you can find peace. And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. Women talk shit to each other just as much as men do. You never speak about your wife in that manner so why do you have to put up with it. Idc who they are. As others have said you've been outed and made fun of for YEARS now and the weight of that should be made apparent to your "wife". Oh buddy, I'm sorry you've had this happen to you. Very much agree with this person right here. She cares more about her friends perception of her than she actually cares about showing how much she cares about you. Like it may have been rooted in some truth, but exaggerated and theatricated for like entertainment purposes. Its one of the biggest consequences to a pushover personality and if she wants to get back on OPs good side/have a better go with a different relationship, shes gotta level up on her backbone first. I would be trembling with furious anger and wouldn't be able to face her with the same amount of trust for a long, long while after this incident. Just talk. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. She forced him out, and its time for her to join him. Honestly I admire you had the balls to call her out in front of her friends and kick everyone out! Then lots of hard conversations and a come to Jesus with your wife. Neither is divorce. I'd also put the missus on a yellow card and ask her to be more honest about the Tom thing; the fact he treated her badly and you're the opposite must be a good factor in staying together. If she does it again then it's a bigger issue but i'm sure this will be a big learning moment for her and you will both be in a better place for it. He and I werent real close, but wed hang out here and there and always enjoyed one anothers company at get togethers and stuff. See how it flushes out. MILF Teacher seduce to Fuck Anal by Young Boy 12:11. But it sounds like maybe those are friends of hers she should reconsider her position with. And can think clearly. Ugh. I probably wouldnt have. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. I am so pissed off on OP's behalf. Fuck how you want to fuck. The women were all on the patio outside. Dont slide back to her. She said 'girls talk' and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff. Thank you for giving me my laugh for the day haha. Seems like she might have played along a little too much to sound cool to her friends. You can always tell when they offer up explanations to any potential objections before they're asked. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. I'd be more open about your sexuality; if you've nothing to hide then the nasty wives have nothing to attack. I couldnt believe it. Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. I overheard them talking, and my wife said that this guy was a really nice guy. After some begging I agreed to come home tomorrow and talk. 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