This is textbook, and also what I went through while I dont have proof that he was cheating enough. There is no set timeline for recovering from a narcissistic discard, but know that you will get through it. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this sites author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Hes not capable of it, and all he really did bring to the table with sex and a whole Lotta trauma that I didnt deserve. Never date married men. Whether a narcissist discards you permanently depends on three basic factors: Whether they have. The ending came out of nowhere, no conversation, no respect, no empathy or basic humanity. They will belittle, criticize, and control you as a way to enhance their self-image. His verbal abuse started shortly after the affair; around yr 2 of marraige. The narcissist will continue to abuse the victim until they tear the person apart. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Analysis of the Silent Treatment: This psychological abuse tactic is sometimes executed before a Final Discard in the Idealize/Devalue/Discard cycles of narcissistic abuse. It doesnt seem like he wants to come back but Im afraid if he tries to that I will cave. As of yet his foolish wife has however not left his side although he is a serial cheater, he is a good father to their son and has a high earning job so I suppose thats why she still hasnt divorced him. The narcissist discards people for their benefit and they do not care about your feelings at all. Your pain is real and you have a right to experience your feelings. A toxic narcissist relationship revolves around insecurity, abuse, and then manipulation. This may be in the form of outright ghosting your messages and calls, right through to not being available for you at all. *Providing closure is a lot of trouble to go through for someone who means so little to them *They have a new source of supply that fufills their neverending recurrent needs.for right now *They think If he has that protection order, dont contact him. Many of these narcissistic men are simply what I term trophy hunters: once they have gotten you, they immediately lose interest and leave to hunt someone else. Again, you did nothing wrong! I met this narc at a place where I worked. Narcissists require praise and ego-boosting, so theyre not likely to discard you before finding a new person (Narcissistic Supply) that can provide those things. Its nothing short of soul crushing. Or, as you are compared to the narcissist. They push you away with the hope or even expectation that you come grovelling back to them. The covert narcissist may have secured a new primary relationship, especially if they are the one who initiated the . I will list seven questions I frequently hear from people who have been discarded by a narcissist. However, it is important to remember that you will heal with time. Also, given that the narc takes zero responsibility, they will blame you for all of the reasons why the friendship or relationship didnt work. Its been two months and Im already at the point where Id rather be single and just date then continue with him. They do not want anything or anyone to stand in their way. Yet he lies and says he hasnt, Ive decided to ghost him instead and will save myself further heartbreak and go no contact without warning. Eventually, everyone disappoints them and the first person starts to look appealing again, and they reach out to her again for connection. The reason we do not leave straight away is love. This may be in the form of outright ghosting your messages and calls, right through to not being available for you at all. Its the final piece in the soul destroying puzzle, just when you think they cant do any more damage. Instead, they highlight how they were the victim and how youll fail in every subsequent relationship. Butafter a while the novelty of enacting the loving couple wears off and they lack the ability to stay emotionally connected to you once things are less than perfect. Ghosting is a strategy used to discard you when the narc decides your supply no longer meets their needs. My insides become messed up even from a text. Or, if I agreed with what he said, then Id just okayed his behaviour, with serves to strengthen his public storyline. During the abuse cycle, the narcissist repeatedly pulls back their attention and affection as an act of punishment, then breadcrumbs it back to you as a reward. Over time, you become accustomed to thinking that the narc is your form of happiness, not recognising that they are the very source of your hurt and pain in the first place.Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'unmaskingthenarc_com-narrow-sky-2','ezslot_11',107,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-narrow-sky-2-0'); RELATED POSTS: 7 Stages of Trauma Bonds Why Does the Narc Ignore You? It also relates to blocking indirect dealings such as via the narcissists flying monkeys. But not before trying to push his way past me again like before. This post will answer seven questions related to being discarded by a narcissist (the-7-answers-i-desperately-needed-after-the-narcissistic-discard) and what to do next. . I have had two and a half months of no contact, after a really nasty discard between Christmas/New Year 2018 & after 3 decades with the narc in my life and had gone back & forth about 6-7 times, as noted by some others. The cold cruelty is beyond understanding. Once a person is depleted, they will ditch them without a backwards glance and move onto the next victim. It can leave you with unanswered questions that make it hard to move on. Family means everything to us. I am in a bad situation with no family/friends and no money to evict. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. Maggie x, Beautifully and succinctly written. In fact, they kinda get off on it. to help get him his own housing. Youve got this gorgeous one. Unsurprisingly, and completely intentionally on the part of the narcissist, this triggers your fears, causing you further harm in the murky waters of spiralling self-doubt. In fact, the more pain they see you in, the happier they seem to be. why would i want that bag of shit back??? I had to leave in the middle of the night to not get pulled back and I have lost all my belongings. I start a new job next week. It is sudden & unexplained. No Contact is frequently the last option for victims of narcissistic abuse who are pushed to do so as a self-preservation measure. Narc Wise is abouthelping you inoculate yourself from abusive narcissists, and heal your wounds by growing healthy self-love. There are always some telltale signs that a narcissist is getting ready to discard someone, whether it be a friend, partner, coworker or family member. However, many people report feeling blindsided and confused after being discarded by a narcissist. Sorry, Im rambling now, it will take a long time to get over/past this, if I ever do. When they are done with you, they will dump you. Many victims of narcissistic abuse are afraid of losing friends and family members when the narcissist claims they can be turned against them. Also, you may feel like you are going crazy. If they continue to talk to you about the narc, beware that they may be a Flying Monkey for the narc. They make you question your reality. Assuming the narcissist is actually done with you, the narcissist discard phase can be a blessing in disguise. Narcissists are experts at deflecting blame, making you feel like the failure of the relationship is entirely your fault. The narcissist I know has shown all the signs of discard but I, have decided to stop enjoying the drama and playing the victim. Narcissists are skilled manipulators and they may make you feel like its your fault, but that is simply a tactic to ensure that you do not get angry or upset about what happened. Particularly when it comes to worrying that you are the narcissist, rather than the victim of one (check out How you know youre not the Narcissist for more detail on dispelling any fears on this front). Last Dec. we lost our home. The narcissists final discard occurs when they finally have squeezed every last ounce of joy and self-worth from you. This approach conveys: you have no value to me. Very eloquent. To be loved. "A narcissistic personality is someone who needs to feel better than other people. The narcisist in my life was also my next door neighbour! So lets tackle No Contact vs. the silent treatment & ghosting, so that you can rest soundly knowing the differences between them are just as great as the contrast between you and the narc. No Contact is silent. Our affair lasted exactly about 3 years. Although ghosting also occurs in friendships, it's usually associated with dating. At first he lied to me saying that he was leaving his wife, yet I was sceptical as he was still married, I fell for the love bombing phase. Yourmental health your psychological, emotional, and social well-being has an impact on every aspect of your life. I hope youve found some useful information from this article and are feeling more empowered about stepping into your own true place in this life. It was not what I expected to witness from the father of my children. The narcissist's final discard occurs when they finally have squeezed every last ounce of joy and self-worth from you. This sounds more like typical domestic violence to me. We all ask ourselves this after a breakup. The reason. But Im feeling stronger now, despite my health & financial/unable to work situation, being bad. This handy little magnifying glass shines the light on getting at the truth of most narcissistic situations when doubting yourself begins to creep in. Unfortunately, that strategy will never work. Waiting in a homeless shelter for my housing to kick in. Once the narcissist sees no more value in you (as in, they can no longer siphon you for your resources), they wont bother trying to hoover you back in. 6. , Dear Queen J, Im so glad it was helpful. Narcs make it a daily effort to do the opposite of whats good. Does the Narcissist Treat the New Supply Better? They have two children less than a year apart. The way this phase plays out is largely determined by how far along you are in your relationship with the narcissist. Without any previous warning signs or indications that you are about to be discarded. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore), The attraction between Empaths and Narcissists, 6 Ways how Empaths protect themselves from Narcissists, Having an Affair with a Married Narcissist. The reason they do not give you an explanation is that they do not care about your feelings. I am 63 and hid dozens of times under clothes in my closet. But I will get my life back, I will be the easy going peaceful self I was before her. Narcissist Discard Phase: Revenge or Peace? Here are some common types and how they react after they have discarded someone. And you may feel like you want to die. In reality, no amount of effort would have changed the relationships outcome, as the narcissist is always looking for new victims to pad their ego. Ergo, you are an abusive narcissist. Far better for you gorgeous one to keep doing what you are doing which is healing yourself. Theyll be regularly posting photos of all the fun and exciting moments theyre now sharing with this new person, who is apparently way better than you ever were. Inevitably when you make the decision to go No Contact, the narcissist will launch a smear campaign. We ended up moving house! Do narcissists come back after ghosting you? They just want to move on and the discard was simply a way for them to get rid of you so that nothing stood in their way anymore. They are as starkly contrasted as night & day. For those unfamiliar with narcissists and their ways, the discard phase might seem like the inevitable end to a failed relationship. There are though many wonderful channels out there on the topic. If you stay long enough, you become a super supply and the abuse will only get worse as they will test the grounds of how far they can go in their destruction. Do you think that it was possible the narc wasnt one in the early years, or was it just more hidden/down as serious delression (from his words) & though he wouldnt seek help for it! Ghost them and go NC. Relationships with narcissists follow a familiar pattern that begins the moment you meet them. Many times when I read articles about silent treatment and ghosting I feel the author must be very careful in distinguishing intent because it is literally what your are told to do in order to protect yourself from abusers even when the abuser may not realize they are abusers, which many dont. How To Deal With an Angry Narcissist? He even went as far as making a restraining order against me at the police when I exposed all the juicy bits of our affair to his wife. His eyes went dark and were completely soulless and his vengeance was horrifying. The silent treatment occurs during the devaluation phase of the abuse cycle to punish you and to fortify trauma bonds (see Why is it so hard to leave and abusive relationship with a narcissist? With the severing of that True Self, they also cut off their connection to the abundant life force and divine connection. a knock on the door, without looking i opened it and there he stood. I hope to get out of this feeling soon and dont ever want experience this again. The feelings of hurt and loss are normal after being discarded by a narcissist. If you do try to get back together, they will likely discard you again and it will only cause more pain and heartache for you in the long run. Narcissists are incapable of developing a deeper relationship through intimacy, a necessary component to a sustainable connection. In answer to your questionsyou may never get the answers you are looking for. Advertisementsif(typeof ez_ad_units != 'undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_1',113,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-unmaskingthenarc_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0');After being miserable and firing all of their pain towards you, they now suddenly seem happier and have a bounce in their step. In them, the two of you are the very picture of perfect love. So, not only are you being completely discarded, but its actually your own fault (in their mind). Maggie x. In all likelihood, this is untrue, but it may feel true to the narcissist as they arent feeling the same high they initially got from the relationship. So sorry youve found yourself here as theres only one reason you would be reading up and seeking answers to all those questions. If they respect you, they will absolutely abide by your wishes. Anyone can make a claim about anything, but that alone proves nothing. Their devaluations of you will increase in intensity. Once the narcissist has completely broken you down and you can no longer fuel their ego, they will discard you. Just reading this wisdom has made me feel a lot better about myself and given me hope. Everything with a narcissist is purely transactional. If he were to come back this time with more of his future, faking bullshit, I would probably laugh at him. Unfortunately, those are things a narcissist can never do, and wont even attempt to fake during a discard. The narcissist discard can be one of the most confusing, painful, and traumatic experiences a person can go through.