All Rights Reserved. Is it before ?? Guy: Havent I seen you someplace before?Girl: Yes, thats why I dont go there anymore. Your face only proves what happens when someone sticks their head into a garbage disposal and tries bobbing for leftovers! This is another witty comeback that works great because it is attacking the size of the d you were just offered to suck. Hey girl, is your name winter? "Our relationship is like a fat guy, What? Roses are red violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you? Are you looking for funny insults and comebacks? Good Mood Concept. Woman: "If you were my husband, I'd poison your coffee." Lucky for you, they cant laugh, either. If youre going to act like a turd, lay on the yard. 62. "If it's meant to be it's meant to be.but just to be clear it isn't." Youre not as bad as people say, youre worse. People like you are the reason God doesnt talk to us anymore. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. 37. I cant insult you. Remember that time you were saying that thing I didnt care about? 70. "Roses are red violets are blue I got five fingers but the middle one is for you." Im baffled by just how flexible you can be. So I packed up my stuff and right. Thats your parents job. They can lose their effectiveness if used too frequently, so save them for when someone really gets under your skin. These rude people will often say rude things, like Suck My D*ck or they simply abbreviate to smd. 55. Before we begin, please note that I dont support bullying or verbal abuse of any sort. Take it up with my butt because he's the only one who gives a crap. Im sorry, I didnt realize you were still breathing. Im busy right now; can I ignore you another time? Does the new one work now?" 61. 36 Dirty Pics For You Filthy Freaks. You know what an asshole is, right? Have you always been a fool, or did you make an extra effort today? Wife: "I have changed my mind." I can explain it to you, but I cant understand it for you. 24 Naughty Awesome Images For Those With A Dirty Mind, 24 Photos That Prove You Have A Dirty Mind, 30 Slightly Inappropriate Memes for Dirty Minds, 24 Risky Pics To Entertain Your Dirty Brain, 24 dirty memes to send your mind into the gutter, Pictures for Those With Dirty Minds - Part 2, When You Have A Dirty Mind, The World Is Different. Unfortunately, you cant Photoshop your personality. "Breaking news just in: You're an asshole!" If you have a problem with me, write the problem on a piece of paper, fold it, and shove it up your ass. "Why don't you show more confidence and less arrogance." 83. Before you came along we were hungry. 50. Sometimes its just best to be clever in your response to make the other person seem dumb or silly. Everything happens for a reason, but sometimes the reason is that you are stupid and make bad decisions. But it seems that you already have. I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. You are proof that evolution can go in reverse. i will make a cartoon for you Can I bring you a juice box instead? As an outsider, what do you think of the human race? Im sorry I didnt get that. The greatest loss is you. Lets start with your bank account. Youre about as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle. Has someone left your cage open? All day I thought of you I was at the zoo. Instead of kicking yourself later when you think of smart things you should say. If you only see 41, clear your browser cache! You should come with a warning label. Im jealous of people that dont know you! Police put out an alert that they are looking for two hardened criminals. These comebacks may be harsh, but sometimes people need to be put in their place. If not, you risk becoming the very entity you sought to eradicate. Hey, your village called they want their idiot back. When you get to the mens room, you will see a sign that says, Gentlemen. This is another great one that takes the offer seriously. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. Small Guy: That's why your mom's breath is so minty. 31. you are a gangster A truly humble life. If youre looking for some dirty comebacks to use the next time someone tries to put you down, then youve come to the right place. You are a day late and a dollar short. Im just glad that youre stringing words into sentences now. 4. I think of an unfair life every time I see you. I dont know what your problem is, but I bet its hard to spell. Your kid is so annoying; he makes his Happy Meal cry. 4. If you are a two-faced person At least you can make one of them look pretty. I was today years old when I realized I didnt like you. If youre going to act like a turd, go lay on the yard. Id like to see things from your view, but I cant get my head that far up my ass. Here, let me wash the stupid right off of you. Forcing the other person to awkwardly explain what they meant by suck my d*ck, likely making the flustered or embarrassed. 58. 9. Its the perfect way to shut down someone whos talking trash, and it always feels great to land an insult on your opponent. Here are some cool examples of the same that are bound to make you break into a smile. Because your days are numbered!" Hold still. Guy: That's what she said! Youre the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo. Press Enter / Return to begin your search. 41. Did your parents ever ask you to run away from home? Hey, where did you get your nose from? 59. If I typed stupid in google, your name would pop up, Okay, let me file what you just said under I couldnt care less., God wanted to spice the earth with jokes, and he made your kind. Wanna take the joke a little far? Thats where most accidents happen. I say that you are not perfect, but you are doing alright. So, a thought crossed your mind? I will sue my parents if I have a face like you. Why can you be such an idiot? Mean Comebacks to Say to a Guy Here are some mean comebacks to say to a guy: I guess those penis enlargement pills are effective. Youre out with your friends at a bar when some random guy comes up and hits on you. You make me increase the amount of caffeine I take daily. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. My husband is mad that I have no sense of direction. I hope you understand that everyone is just putting up with you. I dont mind you talking too much. All of the classic one liners with a few extras! I would kick you in the vagina, but I dont want to lose my shoe. I am sorry. 3. Is that a scar on your face? The opposite attracts, right? Too bad most of them are hookers. 4. Spending time with friends and family. on Are you on the lookout for some funny insults and comebacks. Dont try to think too hard. Huh? 1. Make sure you commit these to memory. Girl "No, thanks I am already looking at one!" If your brain were dynamite, there wouldnt be enough to blow your hat off. Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people. Are you a haunted house? 2. Right Now." He is a sucker for good coffee, Indian food, and video games. Your father left the best parts of you on the bed sheet. I seem to be overestimating the number of brain cells you have. But it also shows your intelligence. Now I have a much lower opinion of you. I wish your charm could be bottled then a cork could be put on it. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you cant count that high. I would like the pleasure of your company, but it only gives me displeasure. I would love to beat you up, but I have a problem with cruelty to dumb animals. I would say that you are barking up the wrong tree, but that is your natural voice. 86. 18. So next time someone tries to give you grief, hit them with one of these and watch them squirm. Do you see the light at the end of the tunnel? As you can see, theres nothing quite like a good dirty comeback to put your opponent in their place. Keep talkingI'm diagnosing you. If genius skips a generation, your children will be brilliant. They clap their hands over their eyes. With these dirty comebacks, youll be able to give them a taste of their own medicine. Our kid must have gotten his brain from you! Did someone leave your cage open? The people who make these movies must be really dirty-minded. When it comes to a good comeback the delivery is key. Everyones entitled to act stupid once in a while, but you really abuse the privilege. It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it. But I like the opportunity to ignore you on other occasions. Boy: "Life's a bitch, just like you." Girl: "Actually life is short, just like your dick." Big Guy: Your dick's so small, it's like a tic-tac. I know youre not a fool But maybe youll be adopted someday. Its rude to hear and it is rude to have said to you. 88. if i want to kill myself I will increase your ego and jump to your IQ level. Id rather treat my babys diaper rash than have lunch with you. Clinic. Im lonely, not desperate. However, its not always rude. I always yawn when Im interested. Ordinarily people live and learn. How do you get it to come out of your nostrils like that? You're just mad that your dad's pussy is pinker than yours. Go right in. When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price? When you pass away and people ask me what the cause of your death was, Ill say it was your stupidity. When you talk, other people get hoarse just listening. Why dont you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? Why dont you slip into something more comfortable like a coma. I think Ive seen you before, but Im pretty sure I had to pay admission last time. Wife: "No." You look like something that came out of a slow cooker. Damn it, why didnt she think of it earlier! "Don't get your panties in a bunch." I heard that when you were born, your father threw rocks at the stork. I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job. I heard you got a brain transplant and the brain rejected you! I heard you went to see the doctor and told him that you wanted a little wart removed; so he had you thrown out of his office. I heard you went to a freak show and got in free! This comeback is witty because it takes the negative rude energy of smd and sends it right back to them by implying youre having a relationship with their mother. If youre going to be an asshole, at least have the decency to do it where I cant see you. So nobody understands you.. it isnt art but stupidity. Back to The Comebacks Soundbytes. The world is crowded. You are like the sunnot because you light up my world, but because it hurts to look at you. You are like a cloud. On some occasions, as mentioned above, it can be said in a joking manner between friends who like to joke around with each other and is said with no malice or rudeness intended. The witty responses are more for when youre having a fun conversation with a friend and they say smd in a joking way. I dont know what your problem is, but Im guessing its hard to pronounce. "Just because your on your period doesn't mean you can be a bitch." My friend thinks he is smart. Youre so dumb, I bet your dog teaches you tricks. 0 Comments. The smartest thing to come out of your mouth was my c*ck. We can always tell when you are lying. Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? If I wanted to hear from an asshole, Id fart. 87. 7. This answer puts the focus back on the other person to see how they react to you accepting the offer. Husband: "I'm sorry, I can't go to hell. You bring everyone so much joy when you. I treasure the time I dont spend with you. Learn more about us here. Can I ignore you another time? 33. So next time you find yourself in a heated debate, dont sweat it. If you could smell you, you wouldnt be friends with you. Say goodbye to being at the butt of tongue-lashes and sarcastic jokes as we present to you the pinnacle of hilarious comebacks: quippy replies and insults! The only way my husband would ever get hurt during an activity is if the TV exploded. But then, whats my own humble opinion against thousands of others?I hear that when your mother first saw you, she decided to leave you on the front steps of a police station while she turned herself in. You cant fix ugly. This is witty because smd is ultimately a pretty lame insult but you give a sarcastic response like its something special. Somewhere out there, a tree is producing oxygen for you. Stupidity isnt a crime, so youre free to go. Break Up Lines Whats wrong? Any friend of yours - is a friend of yours. Our friendship is like that of a dog to a fire hydrant. People cant say that you have absolutely nothing! 97. If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. Its a joke, not a d*ck, dont take it so seriously. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face. Should I offer you a tic-tac or a toilet paper? Why dont you slip into something a little more comfortable Like a coma. They just say you were sixteen years old before you learned how to wave goodbye. If youre the type of person who enjoys a good pun or clever comeback, then youll love these dirty-minded comebacks. Tell your mother to stop changing her lipstick, my d*ck looks like a rainbow. "I Call Bullshit" If I wanted to kill myself I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on the planet. You look so pretty. Everything for planning your trip or vacation at one place! I would like to leave you with one thought, but Im not sure if you have anywhere to store it in. Im jealous of all the people that havent met you. Lower your standards a little, I just did. How did you get here? One of my friends told me girls hate oral, do you wanna help me prove him wrong? Guy: What sign were you born under?Girl: No Parking. "Shouldn't you be out on a ledge somewhere?" I can't suck something that doesn't exist. The real glory is being knocked to your knees and then coming back. So dont be afraid to get a little bit creative and have some fun with it. You are so old, your birth-certificate expired. 73. | YourTango Savage Comebacks 30 Images That Serve To Prove You Have A Dirty Mind! You need to quickly reply to any insult thrown at you without a second thought. Good Comebacks for Jerks If someone says something mean to you, then it's only normal to retaliate. Tag: dirty minded comebacks. Aww, its so cute when you try to talk about things you dont understand. I bet if you were standing on the corner. Never mind, its too long." Sometimes thinking hard can be difficult. Turn hot dog water into ice cubes for people you dont like. Me: "Why are you teaching during my conversation?" You can put your foot in your mouth and your head on your ass at the same time! (dtmandd ) adjective. This comeback is best for situations where you dont just want to insult someoneyou want to own the room. 157 Dirty Minded Jokes That Will Bring Out Your Naughty Side We all need a major break in our lives either through casual funny jokes or some dirty minded jokes that may sound inappropriate but can lift up our mood during the tiresome phase. Your email address will not be published. So next time you find yourself in a heated debate, don't sweat it. How much do you charge to deliver an STD? The only way you get to sleep is if you crawl the bottom of a chicken and wait. 25 Savage Comebacks Found In the Comments 14,765. I bet your doesn't pick up all the channels. I am returning your nose. Does the new one work better? Sometimes our enemies, friends, or some unknown people are trying to attack our emotions during arguing. Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down. Trick Tupac Died & He Still Dropping Songs .. Stop Playing With Me If you are looking for an honest review of digital products, you've come to the right place. Your ass must be pretty jealous of all the shit that comes out of your mouth. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. What are you doing here? Its too small to be alone. 9. When I see your face, theres not a thing that I would change except the direction I was walking in. Taking a picture of you would put a virus on my phone. Seeing as not everyone can be articulate on the fly, having a list of sharp and clever comebacks in reserve could do wonders to your banter game. Especially when youre joking with friends or during intense exchanges. Too bad you cant Photoshop your ugly personality. 79. impressed! I dont speak bullsh*t. Youre so skinny; I hear the sound of bone on wood when you sit. A nasty comeback doesnt require much ingenuity. Since narcissistic is such a big word for you, how about asshole? This is the ultimate Duke Nukem soundboard, with new stuff added as I find it. Youre not glowing, honey. I only take you everywhere I go, so I dont have to kiss you goodbye. Hold up, are you yelling at me or shitting at me? RECOMMENDED . Your email address will not be published. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Ill hit you, but that would be animal cruelty. In your case they're nothing. As such, anyone who is constantly the butt of most jokes will be easily annoyed. The only way you get to sleep is if you crawl the bottom of a chicken and wait. I was caught selling ice." Never mind, you won't get it." You so dumb, you think Cheerios are doughnut seeds. After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." You just live. Whatever is eating at you must be suffering horribly. Guy: So, wanna go back to my place?Girl: Well, I dont know, will two people fit under a rock? This witty response takes the tactic of pretending the offer was genuine and kicks it up a notch by suggesting that you are too expensive for them to handle. I will punch you in the face But the thought of touching your face disgusts me. Do you practice being stupid, or does it come naturally. Now you can be! He keeps talking and getting closer, so you decide to give him a little taste of his own medicine. A smart comeback doesnt just show your dissatisfaction. When it comes to comebacks, the dirtier the better. Not at all gross today. Child, Ive forgotten more than you ever knew. Girl: "Actually life is short, just like your dick." If youre going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty. 52. 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass! When he is not writing in his favorite coffee shop, Igor spends most of his time reading, traveling, producing house music, and capturing light with his camera. Youre giving me the silent treatment? Insult: "You need a new brain dummy" You are so old, when you were a kid rainbows were black and white. You are so old, you sat next to Jesus in school. You are so old, you walked into an antique shop and they sold you. You are so stupid, youd trip over a cordless phone. You are so stupid that if I gave you a penny for your intelligence, Id get change back. You may be a beautiful person on the inside, too bad you were born on the outside! Boyfriend says to group (friends)at a party "Yea, I m hung like a horse" By Somewhere, somehow, you are robbing a village of their idiot. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below.