The key to any communication is to start with the phrase- this is not a big deal, just take it into consideration. Its the hormone that lowers stress for women. Dr. Tom O'Bryan's Video Series on Reversing Auto-immune, Dr. Zach Bush's Video on Healing your Gut. Author of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus and his latest, Beyond Mars and Venus, Dr. John Gray, returns to share what has changed for him since his first interview on Wellness Force, how we can hold space in relationships, the four kinds of love, and how porn is hurting relationships. We have to have a life that is rich in different types of support. Theres the guy who just likes girls and also has male friends. John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. Das Getty Images Design ist eine eingetragene Marke von Getty Images. It gives John a chance to remember that hes supposed to be listening to her feelings, not solving her problems. Maybe I am mad that you want so much more than me. In this in-depth interview, best-selling relationships author John Gray, PhD discusses how modern life is wreaking havoc on our delicate hormonal balance, and how differentiating male and female hormones are largely responsible for feminine and masculine behavioral patterns that we observe in our partners, much to our frustration and misinterpretation. Now, having more equality in relationships is a beautiful thing, but the problem is, people have equated equality with sameness. (LogOut/ Men should not show emotions unless talking to a therapist who is going to analyze and support them. Preparing comes next. Well, for lots of reasons. Its starting to sound like youre saying Im this selfish person. Its very important for a man to do a job that they feel good about, overcome a challenge, feel needed! And even if I value him only for that, I value him very greatly. The more the complaints the worse life becomes. The truth is, even though our roles have shifted, there are still fundamental differences between men and women. (Photo by Acey Harper/Getty Images) PURCHASE A LICENSE Get personalized pricing by telling us when, where, and how you want to use this asset. They have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. Its like when we were talking about womens circles and women in the garden or women in the community doing what they do. And I dont know them, but theyd been married forty years. On a certain level, when a guy stops having sex or when he doesnt want sex, he doesnt want it, so he doesnt miss it. Why going out of one's comfort zone through action and behavior will help raise your testosterone levels. But it feels like everything we do is for you and not me. If a woman is stressed, holding space for her means hearing what she has to say and providing a particular kind of loving support. Women need to pause when they feel themselves cranking up the grievance machine. John Gray is a person who has big problems in his personal life and family life. Gray is not asking men to be more aware of their feelings. I want to go unwind and watch a movie. I had him go into a room and shut the door. . DOWNLOAD YOUR FREE CHEAT SHEET AND ACTION STEP WORKBOOK NOW. So Bonnie need not respond by saying Youre not listening or You just dont understand., She can say, Let me try saying that in a different way.. Gray was in his fifth year as president of the school board. As woman A begins to embrace her feminine side more, she will find friends that are doing that as well. Access the best of Getty Images with our simple subscription plan. When I want something, it doesnt seem so important. I will just present Bonnies four responses because she is the one who gets my sympathy today. You go away; Im taking care of everything. 2023 Getty Images. Do you think loss of passion in relationships is mainly physiological and hormonal, or is it emotional and anger-related? It has tried to feminize men. And was also the subject of a three-hour special hosted by Barbara Walters. This is why we dont sell products, get paid for recommendations, or sell ads on our podcast. (Photo by Acey Harper/Getty Images) PURCHASE A LICENSE. The truth is [a womans] brain is eight times more active under stress than a mans, in the emotional part of the brain. WebHe has served on the Faculty of the Masters College & Seminary. Its really important for women, more so than for men, to have female friends. Stress raises estrogen. When the book first came out, it was primarily women who bought it. John Gray: Its all locked up inside. Premium Organic Moringa Oleifera Leaf Powder, Organic India Tulsi Caffeine Free Tea, Sweet Rose, 18 Count, The Ketogenic and Modified Atkins Diets: Treatments for Epilepsy and Other Disorders, Pure Encapsulations - Magnesium (Citrate) 180 Capsules, Dr. Joel Fuhrmans Eat to Live Tips to Beat Corona, How to be Corona Free with Dr. Todd Ovokaitys. How a man can be there for his partner and create a safe space by being cool, calm, and collected. 2Go Travel; Cokaliong Shipping Lines; Maayo Shipping Lines Collect, curate and comment on your files. Hier knnen Sie Inhalte sammeln, auswhlen und Anmerkungen zu Ihren Dateien hinterlegen. My approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness, and romance. Are you serious about your health? If we are going to spend money, there are other things we could spend it on. It could look adversarial to a bystander, but it really isnt. During graduate school, John served as the Assistant Dean of Men at Bob Jones University for five years. They are busy working all the time and not together, and I am sure one of them just got turned on for the first time in twenty years (laughs). PR.com: How did you come to these conclusions, regarding hormonal differences, in the way men and women express and diffuse their stress? Now, having more equality in relationships is a beautiful thing, but the problem is people have equated equality with sameness. People are unique and different, but when you get down to the level of how we are coping with stress, this is a hardwiring that goes on in our bodies. A womans level is in balance when she does. You want an attitude of sharing and letting go, instead of festering. They have three grown daughters and If she was looking for me to do everything to make her happy, then she would always be unhappy. I think its a very very young Bonnie Gray. PR.com: Like you say in the book, when a woman goes off to get a massage, for example, it is to escape all of her responsibilities. I think his characterizations of male and female roles are stereotyped and rigid. These are role mate relationships where people play out their roles in order to create harmony. It could look adversarial to a bystander, I said. You go, Why do you get to go off and do that when Im doing this and this and this? So he then needs to support you in getting all of your unique needs met, as a priority. dr john gray wife, bonnie dr john gray wife, bonnie. Mit unserem einfachen Abonnement erhalten Sie Zugriff auf die besten Inhalte von Getty Images. Instead of feminizing men, what you do is you teach them what women need. But it can also show up as liking to hang out with girlfriends, and she just tends to find girlfriends that are also quite shut down to their femininity. One out of three women today has challenges with fertility. For men their hearts open when they are successful in helping others. I just dealt with a whole bunch of couples like that this weekend. We dont look to one person for everything. In some cases, that denial of femininity shows up as liking to hang out with guys. My first experience with this had to do with being unavoidably late. Since not being guilty of anything is one of the great passions and liabilities of my life, I focused on the unavoidably part. An advocate of health and optimal brain function, he also provides natural solutions for overcoming depression, anxiety and stress to support increased energy, libido, hormonal balance and better sleep. Its not like youre going to just lock yourself up in a room and get away. Heart. I really appreciate you trying to listen. Dr. Gray has written over 20 books. His most recent book is Beyond Mars and Venus: Relationship Skills for Our Complex Modern World. I think his historical grounding for those roles is preposterous. When we are under stress is when these differences show up the most. Bonnie says, I have a lot of feelings coming up, and I would like to talk about them. How do they find their way back to each other under these circumstances? He was also the subject of a three hour special hosted by Barbara Walters. But to simply put it, testosterone is the hormone of sex for men, and oxytocin is the hormone of sex for women. Millionen hochwertiger Bilder, Videos und Musiktracks warten auf Sie. Thats a common phenomena, and that is a problem for relationships. Professionally, I had been teaching about relationships for a good ten years and much of that time was teaching about the differences between man and women, and very successfully. Then, she comes home to her partner who is safer than the rest of the world and those negative emotions all come up and overreact on him. We dont have as much sex as when we were dating (laughs), but we have sex a couple of times a week and its fantastic. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice. You are going to buy what you want and thats it. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice. He was an Associate Pastor to Dr. John MacArthur at Grace Community Church for five years overseeing the Shepherding Ministries. He has been profiled in Time, Forbes, USA Today, and People. You wont feel an attraction to him if youre a woman, if a guy is too much like a girl. WebAuthor John Gray & his wife Bonnie lying on a hammock in their backyard. The problem is that she has feelings that prevent her from having a fact-based conversation about the computer and other household needs. Know what theyre thinking & what to do about it. And I didnt know that much of my behavior over the past year has been a desperate attempt to rebuild oxytocin. His approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness, and romance. 2023 Getty Images. John Gray may be associate pastor at the largest church in America, but hes not your daddys preacher. They just need to know what to do. Optimieren Sie Ihren Workflow mit unserem erstklassigen Digitalen Asset Management System. His Mars/Venus book series has forever changed the way men and women view their relationships. Share So whatever Bonnie Gray is actually like, in the books, she needs to seem petulant and unreasonable. These arerole materelationships where people play out their roles in order to create harmony. Not someone who is going to take me from zero to one hundred. So whatever Bonnie Gray is actually like, in the books, she needs to seem petulant and unreasonable. A mans testosterone levels at forty years old are the same as a seventy year old man just thirty years ago. The truth is, even though our roles have shifted, there are still fundamental differences between men and women. First let me say that the Notify me checkboxes do appear, but only when youve indicated youre going to leave a comment. Then, that gives rise to misunderstanding. John Gray: Yeah, all of my friends love to go on walks with me (laughs). PR.com: Sometimes relationships can cause us to regress and lean back on our partner with a little too much weight. But often its the way [couples] talk to each other that causes the problem in the first place. We are no longer limited by the traditional roles of hunter/gatherer or breadwinner/homemaker. Ive dated dramatic and overly emotional women and its just not for me. PR.com: You hold all of this knowledge, but in your own marriage do you and your wife ever slip into some of the bad patterns that most others do? High cortisol inhibits digestion, immune system and can cause high blood pressure. The solution is that John ducks and dodges long enough (he was getting close to the edge there at the end) that Bonnie gets the feelings out; she appreciates his listening to her; the emotional relationship is restored; and, eventually, the household purchases will be decided upon. She had internship report sample business administration / nswc crane small arms registry login / dr john gray wife, bonnie. When you do that, she can share her emotions in a more positive way. Worst, the more women complain the worst it gets as it becomes a habit. Through videos, blog posts, online courses, books, and groundbreaking live events, youll learn down-to-earth practical insight and wisdom that will change your life forever. I got the news, on my honeymoon, that my father had died. (He says he didnt like being questioned, but by saying as little as this, he was able to prevent clashing with her). What is the core of women? On the other hand a womans heart opens when she is successful in getting the love support she needs. Bonnie needs to say how she feels and it isnt going to be pretty. USA Today listed his book as one of the top 10 most influential books of the last quarter-century. They have been happily married for over 30 years and have three grown daughters and four grandchildren. When the kids were little I told Bonnie, Every Monday, thats your day off. It just feels like you dont care about me. If you have good human skills, youll do well in most relationships. My jobs much easier then. This makes a huge difference in lowering cortisol and keeping us heart healthy! Attract the right kind of relationships into your life. Once women are on their independent side, they tend to always see what's wrong with you which means they don't trust you which makes it even harder for them to go to their female side and share emotions in a more positive way. Dr. John Gray. What do you mean by that? Then she was all interested in how close I came to getting hit and how understandable it was that I was late and how wonderful it was that I got home safely. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice. You mentioned that for some couples when the sex drive goes away there is anger about that, but for some couples there is actually a peacefulness that sets in when the sex drive is gone. In this post, I want to look at what John Gray is supposed to dowhat his job isand at what Bonnie Gray is supposed to do. John Gray: My book is to help women get underneath the surface and find out the physiology of what is really making them tick, how they can support themselves the best, and how their husbands can support them the best. Asa bystander, I ask the kinds of questions I am going to look at in the next post in this series. The Getty Images design is a trademark of Getty Images. How do you know? My answer in those years was, Ive got a counseling practice, and Im married myself, and women almost all say the same things (laughs) about their husbands, and about themselves. There were themes that are very universal in almost every household. (LogOut/ What I have to say doesnt matter at all.. By Allison Kugel, Senior Editor - July 15, 2010, Reproduction without explicit written permission is prohibited. We have been waiting six months to redo our floor. (She persisted). Dont I do anything nice? She will feel like she is your mother or she will shut down. Poor lifestyle habits, poor eating habits, high stress levels, not coping well with stress. Not very much time, as I recall. Then our most special support is our intimate relationship. I was disappointed or frustrated key is to add emotions as opposed to statements like you dont care. John Gray lives in Northern California, where for 34 years he happily shared his life with his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in 2018. I really want to understand your feelings and it really is hard for me. You did it again! I helped him see her point of view, and I helped him see how he created the mess. And so is Bette, although if I did let it slip and act like that, she would say, Thats not like you at all. Little does she know. Just a note here to clarify my position on the Mars & Venus books. This is one of the reasons why relationships are the ultimate foundation of growth. Dr. John Gray. Why women experience automatic negative thoughts when they are in their masculine rather than feminine self. Its not like I have all this thought out (He asked what she thought they should spend the money on). To this day, wherever I go, people say that the book saved their marriage. John Gray: A lot of these ideas I put forth are very counter-therapy. John Gray: The good thing is that women are, to a great extent, seen as equals in the workplace, and in the universities there are more women graduating than men. John: I really want to understand your feelings and it really is hard for me. How a woman being in her masculine all day. Your email address will not be published. In hardcover, it was the #1 best selling book of the 1990s. In contrast, the soul mate relationship provides the unique emotional support to fully express our authentic self which includes both our masculine and feminine qualities. John Gray: Its blowing everybody away. We want to be the whip cream. This approach asks his patience as a favor to her and promises that the barrage will be as brief as can be, still allowing time for the feelings to be expressed. Having a home life made success greater than Id ever imagined. I think his historical grounding for those roles is preposterous. In hardcover, it was the #1 best-selling book of the 1990s. During this interview, he offers some advice to those dealing with If Bonnie does what she is supposed to do, it will make it much easier for John to respond to her. You write like a man who has had experience getting to the source of the problem and also a man who tried rope-a-dope. WebJohn Gray lives in Northern California with his wife of 26 years, Bonnie. If a guy feels guilty for taking time away, or if he just doesnt take time away, then gradually his testosterone levels get lower and lower and his interest in the relationship becomes less and less. Its not like I have all this thought out (He asked what she thought they should spend the money on). Find out as Dr. John Gray explores the masculine and feminine sexual polarities of our modern world. I have a recent example of that one. John and Bonnie Gray, Just Doin TheirJobs. Tap into Getty Images' global scale, data-driven insights, and network of more than 340,000 creators to create content exclusively for your brand. Read More On The Sun Women need caring, understanding, respect, and reassurance. His approach combines specific communication techniques with healthy, nutritional choices that create the brain and body chemistry for lasting health, happiness and romance. It was all of these oxytocin stimulating activities like massage and spas. A main effect is that they often divorce you. John Gray: To someone else, yeah. They have three grown daughters and four Please read our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy carefully, by using our Website, you agree that you have read and consented to our Terms of Use. John Gray on Beyond Mars and Venus. PR.com: In todays world many women, myself included, feel that other women can be petty or competitive. PR.com (Allison Kugel): Your new book, Venus On Fire, Mars On Ice, describes 100% the issues that I was having in my own relationship, and it has helped us quite a bit. Its not a big deal but I just want you to know about it .. The only real answeror maybe its just the best oneis to find someone you naturally relate to. Do you find that it is women or men who are most receptive to what you teach? I didnt bother him, and he came out an hour later in a good mood. You're not trying to control her; you're providing her with the support she needs. Dr. John Gray, When a woman is on her masculine side after working her job all day, she doesn't feel those negative emotions and they're all kept inside. Every man who has a heart attack has low testosterone. [1] I MUCH prefer the earlier title of this book: What Your Mother Couldnt Tell You and Your Father Didnt Know. Watch Love and Health with Dr. John Gray. If we are going to spend money, there are other things we could spend it on. Crazy. Okay, so the first response was not as thoughtful as it should have been. I dont know why you have to get another computer. Its hard for her to acknowledge aspects of who she is because she [fears] she will be judged or ridiculed. He has been profiled in Time, Forbes, USA Today, and People. What inspired this book (Venus On Fire, Mars On Ice) is the research that was done at UCLA on oxytocin. When I do what John Gray says to do, everything works out really well. Click here for our founders Free Health Journal. "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" author John Gray with his wife, Bonnie, at their Hill Top Ranch on the Mendocino Coast celebrating their 27th wedding anniversary. John Gray/company John and Bonnie Gray are no ordinary couple. Then women would write to me and say, Im pregnant now! They got pregnant because they were relaxed and their oxytocin levels were there, and their body could respond. Connection. For women, anytime they do things that they enjoy doing, feel safe doing, their cortisol and adrenalin will go down. Everybody thought it sounded too much like astrology, and nobody would publish it. Our couch needs to be recovered. As oxytocin levels have dropped we have a massive drop in fertility in women. HealCircles.org is a new social network to release stress, come join us! Just today my wife was having a strong reaction about [something], and because I know Mars/Venus I wont say much (laughs). Not rope-a-dope, but a very clear inversion of MY priorities. Dr. Grays books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries and continues to be a bestseller. (She persisted, not answering my question.). Grays books are translated into approximately 45 languages in more than 100 countries and continues to be a bestseller. Dr. Gray has written over 20 books. His most recent book is Beyond Mars and Venus: Relationship Skills for Our Complex Modern World. His Mars/Venus book series has forever changed the way men and women view their relationships. Guys who like to hang out with girls and have lots of girl friends, typically there are two categories. Author ofMen Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. Early man had to learn to duck and dodge his enemies in battle, for instance, so it should come naturally for a husband to duck and dodge his wifes unreasonable tongue-lashing. Im still amazed at the relevance that Men Are from Mars still has, 25 years after it was published! John Gray lives in Northern California where for 34 years he happily shared his life with his beautiful wife, Bonnie, until her passing in 2018. John Gray: Yes and no. Dr. John Gray and The Mars and Venus Wellness Solution. Depth with edge. Organisieren, kontrollieren, verteilen und messen Sie alle Ihre digitalen Inhalte. Goodbye, bickering. On the other hand, it is not a small service he provides if, as has been my experience, doing what he says to do makes everything better. I continued to follow the miles of research, which has been done showing the differences between men and women. Release the past, reconnect, and rediscover play. How Dr. John would comfort his wife when she would have, What creates passion in a relationship: our differences and being. And when did you first conduct the research for this book? Bonnie is Johns wife and in his books, she needs to act in ways that allow him to model how husbands should respond when their wives seem petulant and unreasonable. Ideally, what relationships are built upon is a sense of fulfillment within yourself, and here is someone who I can share myself with and add to them as they add to me. Oprah Winfrey's heart and creative instincts inform the brand -- and the magnetism of the channel.Winfrey provides leadership in programming and attracts superstar talent to join her in primetime, building a global community of like-minded viewers and leading that community to connect on social media and beyond. John Gray: Both things are going on simultaneously. Women need caring, understanding, respect, and reassurance. Till next time, wishing you health, love, and joy! The power of delayed gratification for both children and adults as a tool to practice. Collect, curate and comment on your files. Why it's important for men to do things and be busy to help them feel more, Various exercises and things partners can do to heal and create a, Why men need to spend more time alone and do something that challenges them in a healthy manner like an ice bath or a. Thats what a man can do, but a woman needs to have some nurturing support which allows her brain to relax. Estrogen suppresses testosterone. Oh, please! For more information on Dr. John Gray, visit www.marsvenus.com. John ducks and dodges while she unloads her feelings, then initiates reconciliation when the time is right. Brain scans were developed and every department had brain scans and you could start seeing how mens and womens brains reacted differently in situations. 046 Dr. John Gray: ADHD, Brain Health, & Sex Addiction, Solocast | A Victim of Intellectualization & The Wisdom of The Heart, Solocast | The Sedation of Society: How To Reconnect & Strengthen Your Souls Connection, How to Get Everything You Want in Relationships, Paleovalley Save 15% on your ACV Complex with the code JOSH', Seeking Health Save 10% with the code JOSH', Organifi Special 20% off to our listeners with the code WELLNESSFORCE', Drink LMNT Zero Sugar Hydration: Get your free LMNT Sample Pack, you only cover the cost of shipping, Botanic Tonics Save 40% when you use the code WELLNESS40, Essential Oil Wizardry: Save 10% with the code WELLNESSFORCE', Cured Nutrition Get 15% off of your order when you visit wellnessforce.com/cured + use the code WELLNESSFORCE'. [1] This was written to illustrate how John did what needed to be doneand so should we all, guysand so resolved the crisis. I really appreciate you trying to listen. He is an avid follower of his own health and relationship advice. What if the source of the problem is not treatable? This website is not intended to create a physician-patient relationship between you and HealCircle or its practitioners. Check out Dr. Joels interview on how to prevent heart disease. Women need to share their frustrations or disappointments to increase their estrogen. (He asked her what she wanted to buy.) As I grew older, I had a wonderful relationship with my parents and in the early 1980s, I married my wife, Bonnie, and we went on our honeymoon. John helps men and women better understand and respect their differences in both personal and professional relationships. Get personalized pricing by telling us when,
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