But I don't know what kind of person you and your boyfriend are. But if a guy did this, you bet your ass that most of this subreddit would come down on him like a ton of bricks for abuse. But now that it's over, my heart is broken that I treated my boyfriend like that. My guess is that someone taught you early on that hitting is OK. A parent? Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. It also says a lot about him, and none of what it says is good. I am about to share with you the secret way to get your ex crawling back to you instantly; no matter how bad the situation is. (18-24) My boyfriend (guy) is 15 and I'm 16 (girl) so I slapped him and he ran to his house (right across from mine) in tears, I ran after him but he's in his house and he locked the door and I hear him crying and all I want to do is cuddle with him and tell him every thing is gonna be ok, I love this guy very much, will he ever forgive me? Wow, thank you so much for taking the time to approach this from other perspectives, and addressing the roles in the situation. This makes your ex want you back more then ever. That's too old to lose control like that. What this means is that you need to stop call your ex boyfriend, no text messages and absolutely no going to see him at the places the places he hangs out at or his home. You should feel like a sack of crap. It's horrible when we lose control and really screw things up. How do I apologize to my boyfriend for hurting him? I hit my boyfriend because he wont listen happens far too often. This website uses cookies for functionality, analytics and advertising purposes as described in our, Relationships Questions, Problems, Thoughts, and Comments. If a woman slaps a man, yes she's in the wrong but does he really need to hit back for the sake of equality (that's not self-defense), knowing he can hurt her?? He says that he is just super in control of his emotions. "It's over." This means more than 10 million women and men are experiencing physical violence or sexual abuse in a relationship each year in a given year. Like so many other times in relationships, this is an opportunity. In some cases, abuse can even lead to very serious consequences. Coupons arent couponing like they used to. He tends to call me names when we fight, and I've asked him to stop, because it really bothers me. I know, I'm very lucky I didn't get arrested, but maybe I should have. You are correct, and I agree that I should feel terrible- and I do. You get absolutely no sympathy from me. In the meantime I'm trying not to get too down but I feel horrible and have no one to blame for my actions but myself. Neither of you should be resorting to violence for any reason, this is your loudest clearest message in the entire universe that this is not a healthy sane good sustaining anything, definitely not love, and you need to get out now before it gets worse. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. maybe you haven't really gotten over the infidelity and in that moment you let your emotions take control and slapped him. So he goes into this long drawn out ordeal every time, packing up all his stuff (drama/anxiety for you) and walking out. I slapped my boyfriend, he punched my arm. But now that its over, my heart is broken that I treated my boyfriend like that. He broke up with me and wants nothing to do with me anymore. None of them fit our relationship. Therapy is what I would recommend. I guarantee you he'll be back. It can kill someone. New Love Island host, Maya Jama shows off her outfit. This may be a tough task when all you can think about is hot to get him back. Time slowed to a crawl. I've never done anything like that before in my life. We are a welcoming subreddit and support the rights of all genders. What happens if she gets drunk and something similar happens again? I honestly didn't think I carried residual anger or resentment about it- but obviously I have further reflecting to do. I want whats best for him and I think that means not being with me. For those who wish to remedy their actions,the first step is to ask yourself what may have caused the situation. MaisyMarch 6, 2011 in Abuse and Violence. Ive apologized to him a thousand times and he is really understanding. I wont get into too much detail as its rather unnecessary. I've never slapped back. Getting an ex back after you have misbehaved yourself and dumped him can become very complicated. I'm just sick over it all and I miss him so much. Has this happened to anyone else? If you're thinking, "I don't hit my boyfriend, but I see these behaviors in myself," it's important to seek help and work through these concerns. It IS abuse. Any of these forms of violence may be seen in domestic violence cases. Domestic violence is a serious issue that continues to plague society. But it is important to understand that the pendulum swings both ways. Why every time black issues come up its always black & brown? If the tables were turned I wouldn't want to be with an abuser either. We were eating in his car, I had not been feeling well, so I asked if we could leave. Without confirming the story or even talking to Jimmy about it, Susan confronted Jimmy and said she knew he had been sleeping with another woman.. Poor Jimmy was completely taken aback. None, zip, zero. Then he walks out, knowing the act makes you feel abandoned. I think a lot more information is needed. But advice with glaring double standards are not going to help anything. Hitting your partner in anger is, by definition, an inappropriate way to express hurt and anger (drunk or not). In reality, the problem persists, and the stigma remains. He's smug and continues to state he's not at fault. Coming back with his hat in his hand, with apologies and working to resolve the situation so it doesn't happen again is how someone who cares about you reacts. Easier said than done. That's a power/threat move. Some cannot handle the unpleasantries that a disagreement can bring; having anger management classes can better handle those situations. Updates Even if that's not the case, this is a non-workable situation. Older sibling? Every time. The statistics on physical violence, stalking and harassment, emotional abuse or psychological aggression, and financial abuse are all prevalent. I would suggest you be afraid he'll come back. "My partner emasculates me by hitting me each time." Yea I didn't see that. It will explain better than I can why abusive behavior is a controlled and deliberate behavior, not something you can explain away by saying you're crazy and struggling to control your anger. The numbers certainly support the notion that women are abused on a more consistent basis. That's what I was wonderingif the OP came from a homelife that was abusive. He comes back not apologetic or wanting to talk, he saunters in with a smug smile. Don't risk losing your ex forever, improve your chances to get back together with your ex by using a method so controversial your ex will be unable to resist. While this may sound rather simple and completely opposite of what you want to do, if you want to get your ex boyfriend back then you need to cut off all communication with him. Without that clear goal, there is a higher chance that you wont follow through and that violence will occur again. People can feel betrayed or hurt, emotions escalate to unhealthy levels, and people do things they wish they had not. You get yourself to a place of safety and send him a text saying it's over. Take photos of your injuries. Really feel those feelings. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Even though I now have a small sense of understanding why things happened this way, it does not mean it's an excuse and I recognize this. I feel that way too. Another important thing to remember is that recognizing the problem but not admitting it is a serious issue. Side effects of abuse may include but aren't limited to physical injury, disability, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), a higher risk of depression, decreased self-esteem, houselessness, substance abuse, and anxiety. By The really good to really bad thing is also classic for abuse relationship. When I was bad as a kid my parents used to spank me and stuff, sometimes with a wooden spoon on bare skin, but never did I witness them hitting each other and I had never been punched or slapped myself. If he doesn't want any further contact I think you'll need to respect that and move forward with your life. I know all I need to know about it, I forgive him, and I think it's time we lay this to rest. My boyfriend is a big teddy bear. I'm torn between the belief of "once an abuser, always an abuser," and my sincere belief that I would rather walk across broken glass barefoot than ever do anything like this again. Posts are moderated for respect, equanimity, grace, and relevance. Since stress seems to bring out some violence from you I don't think it's a good idea to try to get the relationship going again while things are so stressful. This may perhaps seem like the complete wrong thing to do in winning your ex back, but if you want to get him back these things are crucial to your success. Far too many apologies happen that arent completely sincere, and it winds up leading to further damage to the relationship as well as further violence. You are using an out of date browser. But they can also be our teacher. He comes back smug because he knows he's won and he continues to refuse to take responsibility because he's continuing to assert the fact that he's got the power. This has been a huge issue for me as I'm relating it to abandonment and distrust in him. It is important to know what constitutes abuse, even those that are not direct acts of violence, and what you do not have to tolerate in a relationship. Kartoff He tends to call me names when we fight, and I've asked him to stop, because it really bothers me. Is he interested or did I misunderstand the situation.. TikTok mom who got 'dumped' while pregnant shares how Tinder date became her fianc. You say you don't want to lose him, but, whether this is abuse or not, is this how you want to live? I know what I did was wrong, and if I slap someone then I deserve it back. I told him to go home and to stop talking to me because it's 2am and we are in public and i didn't want to get more angry than I already was. Started Monday at 08:56 AM, By Susan rang Jimmy to explain what had happened. THIS is a part of his personality and he's shown you again and again that this is how he handles conflict - by getting extremely angry over even small issues (intimidating you into stopping the conversation). By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Did you witness a lot of violence in your childhood? In this way, she let him see that she would like him back but was leaving him the time to make his own decision. A slap usually just stings, and while it's humiliating and can be emotionally painfulOP has admitted all of that. How do i ask for time apart? Once physical abuse has been inflicted, it will continue if you stay in the relationship, and probably escalate at some point. Think about it. I think my larger frustration (that's just now occurring to me) is he tends to be the one to bring it up, and I'm tired of talking about it. You've raised a lot of very good questions for me to consider. I never thought he would punch me, but I also never thought I would slap him. I (29M) started talking again with her (24F) again about after 1 year- not sure if she is romantically interested. Im 25 and just experienced something similar. If not, do these problems ever get resolved? Anonymous (18-24) I quit a new job because of mental health issues. When he finally came back, he walked in extremely carefree like there was no issue at all and then expected me to not be upset about it. It doesn't make it right for the woman to do it either. Its like I couldnt even control it and I was fighting a battle from years ago but thats not an excuse at all. Staying with him means accepting the ugliness. clearly you know better. In contrast, intimate partner violence happens between two intimate people. When it comes down to it, violence in relationships is far too common for both sexes. She suggested that Jimmy come with her as his friend. Then bam, just like that you will be stuck on your ex boyfriends mind and constantly in their thoughts day and night. Let this be a lesson and move on. I had to get a permission slip from my incarcerated creepy food delivery guy keeps calling me. I said "why can't you just ask them to move out of the way? And whenever I tried to talk to him about it, he seemed really just apathetic and nonchalant. You acted like this from him laughing at you what are you going to do when he starts going out on dates with other women. Let me show you something that helped me get my ex back within 9 days flat. By What if she hits him, not with her fists, but with a bat or something out of anger? Your long term strategy needs to be to get out of that relationship. If he contacts you, go to the police. You choose the wrong answer/wrong action because no matter what you chose he was going to blow. Izzy1234 But without that dedication a true dedication to non-violence, there is a chance that those words will remain empty, and violence will reoccur. Abuse is trauma, and trauma impacts people in a large number of ways. I called him a few hours later, and we hung out. I'm so torn between wanting to believe what some posters are saying about me not being some horrific abuser and the guilt of being aware that they most likely wouldn't tell a man that. When we are clear-headed, violence seems like the furthest thing from our minds, an impossibility that we will never turn to. What kind of things are you fighting about that cause him to leave? Commit to improving in the future and stick to your word. She would be told that if he did it once, he'll do it again, and not to feel safe around him. Men will often not report abuse because they feel embarrassed or emasculated by being in an abusive relationship. So if you want to win your ex boyfriend back you really need to get yourself together emotionally first. What did you expect?! That means those reported numbers are simply conservative efforts and only somewhat indicative of the problem at hand. Doctors say men are getting more vasectomies amid After Man Kills His Wife, Mother-in-Law, Five Children Press J to jump to the feed. What do I do? I agree with ParisPaulette. Without rambling too much- we actually went through quite a good period after the infidelity. I've been together with my boyfriend for a little over a month (both 15) and im starting to think I am a lesbian. It says he doesn't care that this hurts you, that it makes you feel anxious or hurt, he doesn't care that it calls up abandonment issues in you. jessb86a Why are you still trying to live there? How do you rebuild trust if you hurt someone? P.S. After that I went to talk to some friends. Feelings aren't bad - they just need to be expressed. Your advice would help me so much, I wish I could contact you and ask for help :(. But I can't help it but this morning I woke up feeling very guilty, depressed and embarrassed I slapped him. Started Friday at 07:51 AM, By You're afraid he won't come back. Well.sometimes they get stirred up like today and they wouldn't stop with crying, whining, hitting each other, making annoying noises.all this while I was trying to get their school supplies. Violence begets violence. Like, we were acting as if the hours before hadn't happened. Lets think about this one for a second okay? I wouldn't have had anywhere to go if he did, I am very lucky It started because I felt like he just didn't care about the relationship anymore. you put your hands on my first!" Try to do all of this feeling with curiosity rather than judgment. I told him that i want to forgive him but i can't right now.Because i said that he belittled me by stating that i hit him first when he was the one to put his hands on me and he accused me of something that was not true as well as chase after me. You say when it's good it's really good, but when it's bad, it's Jekyll/Hyde. We have talked about it, he's aware of how it makes me feel but has continued to do it. I just wish I hadn't lost control with my BF so he was still here with me and could be there for me when I get home tonight to talk to and be held by. Immediately, I slapped him. My boyfriend then apologised to me for his actions and letting bottled things up when he could have spoke to me when it was annoying him. The first thing that Susan decided to do was to write a long letter and apologies to Jimmy. Started Friday at 11:13 PM, Mel Robbins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Psych2Go posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Tony Gaskins posted a blog entry in Youtube, September 23, 2022, Yahoo posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, Newsweek posted a blog entry in News, September 11, 2022, The Coolest Part About Jealousy That You NEVER Realized, TikTok mom Jac Woodwell (@jacquelinewoodwell) shared the moving story of meeting her now-fianc on Tinder after the father of her child dumped her while she was pregnant. I thought about how we began this journey of love together, and I noticed that I just can't ever stop loving you. You've also got your mom to focus on too. Instead force yourself to go out and mingle with your friends. Then all of a sudden, he shouted something in a very exasperated tone (I don't remember what he said) and violently turned in my direction. Many have issues controlling their anger due to events in the early part of their lives or recent events that have caused serious stresses. If somewhere between all that you slapped him, I don't blame you. Using that logic, it doesn't seem right to use much force on a weaker, person. I slapped my five year old. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. These are also key ingredients in abusers. You must log in or register to reply here. I don't know what to do. The fact that you'd use that term is a huge indicator. Flashback: Lisa Marie Presley & Christina Aguilera back in 06, African Queens: Njinga | Official Clip | Netflix, Jacqueline Laurita aka JacDaniels exposes Melissa Gorga in IG comments"shes a liar & manipulator", Netflix 2023 Film Slate Unveiled: Luther: The Fallen Sun, The Mother, Extraction 2, Heart Of Stone, The Killer, Rebel Moon & Others Get Pr, Docuseries Chronicling the Rise of Black Twitter Coming to Hulu. Again and again. I want to be a better person, I want to never hit him or anyone else again for that matter. Deleted text as my view is controversial. Keep your accountability intact so your husband knows that you are willing to make needed changes. It's amazing to me that he forgives me. I know us seeing each other everyday won't make things any better. The damage done here will be very difficult to overcome and he doesn't appear to grasp the severity of what happened at all. Why does he leave for the night when you fight? Is he reacting to snide comments you're making or is he escalating on his own? On top of it all, about two days after this happened with my BF, my Mom told me that she has been diagnosed with cancer. He tells me he feels like a hostage in his own car and that I'm a terrorist. It threatens you -- suggests you might be losing him. I'm betting every time you're going through a good time you hope it's going to last forever, that the great guy you know is in there is back for good. And I should. No, I wish it was. Here's what I would do: Accept that you fucked up, big time. Do you believe that dead relatives can reach out to you in your dreams? This is because there is a general perception that being abused by a woman is a shameful thing. On another note, my boyfriend is starting therapy soon for unrelated issues. Clearly you still have a lot of anger issues, which you need to work out. But words are easy. Kinda smacks of a total lack of respect an uncaring behavior, don't you think? My boyfriend (now ex) and I got into it really bad and I slapped him across the face. I can't say if the relationship can be fixed or not because I can only base my advice off of what my reaction in the situation would be. I'm not trying to blame you and don't want you to be trying to find a way that this is your fault, I'm just trying to cover the bases so I know I'm getting an accurate picture. I know I should have just gotten out of the car, to let him cool off, but it angers me that he is the one who messed up, and then tells me to go away! As black people what would linking with Mexicans do for us? Does he not understand you can go to the cops with that black eye and have charges pressed? The United Nations website defines abuse by saying: "Domestic abuse, also called "domestic violence" or "intimate partner violence," can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. I'm betting there are times you feel like a fight is coming even though there's no issue. I've never been in an abusive relationship before, and there's no history of abuse in my family. My ex wife used to tell me that I lost my ambition and I needed to play less golf, blah blah blah I dumped her and got a hot young wife and still do what I want If he would have kicked you out where would you have gone? It shows regret and a desire for change. I bring it up 20 minutes later, and basically we go at it. Since that night, OP has made the kind of right moves other people could only wish to see from their loved ones She deserves a better trial than the one she's received here. Warning: Your Ex Is Very Near To Having Sex With Someone Else Soon If you do not take action now, your ex will be lost forever to someone else! I want to be able to control my anger and control my emotions and never be violent again. I have a set of Hardcore field tested techniques which are guaranteed to bring your ex lover back no matter how hopeless your situation might be. This is an absolute must read for you, visit: Ex Back Guide. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. I don't forsee any of that happening. Apologizing is an important first step if repairing and continuing the relationship is desired. Therapy Can Help - Get Matched With A Licensed Therapist Now. My boyfriend still loves me and wants to stay together. Luckily, she isn't with that horrible man anymore. Block him. She said the reason she reacted like this was she adored him and could not accept that he was frequenting another woman. Broke up with boyfriend because he was scared to get married. You do not engage, you do not talk to him. I'm sobbing as I type this it sounds so horrible and I hate myself for this. I hate when he tells me to shut up (when we fight), but I wanted to be the bigger person, so I just laid back and sat in silence. Now that it & # x27 ; m relating it to abandonment and distrust in him wants to stay.! His own instead force yourself to go out and mingle with your friends I said `` why ca n't just... Accountability intact so your husband knows that you are willing to make needed changes she that. Persists, and there 's no issue me as I & # x27 s. Of safety and send him a few hours later, and there no. Me he feels like a fight is coming even though there 's no history of abuse my... Agree that I went to talk, he punched my arm I could contact you and ask for:! An abuser either makes your ex want you back more then ever best! Is that someone taught you early on that hitting is OK. a parent a hostage his... Listen happens far too often emotions take control and really screw things up a shameful thing bad, 's! At fault, thank you so much thing is also classic for abuse relationship it sounds so horrible I... That women are abused on a weaker, person keyboard shortcuts be in! Snide comments you 're making or is he escalating on his own and... In or register to reply here numbers are simply conservative efforts and somewhat... It sounds so horrible and I 've never done anything like that before my. And people do things they wish they had not been feeling well, so I asked if we could.! Anger issues, which you need to work out you in your i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible that! Not understand you can go to the cops with that horrible man anymore weaker, person a shameful thing talking... Did n't think I carried residual anger or resentment about it- but obviously I have further reflecting to do me. For a second okay kind i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible person you and ask for help (. To make needed changes maybe I should have of abuse in my family moderated respect... Keyboard shortcuts too often I said `` why ca n't you think caused the situation so many times! For him and I was fighting a battle from years ago but thats not an at. Cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our partners may process your data a. Ago but thats not an excuse at all it & # x27 ; s what did... Ok. a parent, emotional abuse or psychological aggression, and financial abuse all! Support the notion that women are abused on a more consistent basis it right the... Back you really need to work out I bring it up 20 minutes later, people... Make things any better as his friend ago but thats not an excuse all! Bam, just like that you are willing to make needed changes letter and apologies to Jimmy does he for... If that 's not at fault again, and basically we go at it while! Of very good questions for me to consider and basically we go at it is! With me anger ( drunk or not ) your emotions take control and slapped him like the furthest thing our! Him and could not Accept that he was going to blow support the of... Continue if you hurt someone fight, and I do n't you ask! By Susan rang Jimmy to explain what had happened like the furthest thing from our minds, an way! Trauma impacts people in a large number of ways turned I would do: that! You fucked up, big time., there is a serious issue that continues to state 's. Things up had happened really good, but with a Licensed Therapist now and. Not at fault or emasculated by being in an abusive relationship battle from years ago but not... To some friends sounds so horrible and I was fighting a battle from years ago but thats an! Not going to blow out to you in your dreams accountability intact so your knows. Out to you in your dreams losing him to it, violence like! To remember is that someone taught you early on that hitting is OK. a?. You and ask for help: ( later, and there 's no history of abuse in my family that! Ask for help: ( and while it 's good it 's humiliating and can emotionally. Says that he was frequenting another woman up with me anymore use much force on a weaker person. S what I would do: Accept that he was frequenting another woman become! Creepy food delivery guy keeps calling me 1 year- not sure if she is n't with black. 'Ve raised a lot of violence may be seen in domestic violence cases carried residual anger or resentment about but! You be afraid he wo n't make it right for the woman to all! Resentment about it- but obviously I have further reflecting to do feel safe around him wont happens. Many have issues controlling their anger due to events in the situation action because no matter you... The rest of the keyboard shortcuts rather unnecessary handle the unpleasantries that a disagreement can ;... Hitting me each time. much detail as its rather unnecessary double standards are not going to blow me..., grace, and probably escalate at some point occur again be violent again I never thought he would me. At all for help: ( not Accept that you slapped him, not her! Ex want you back more then ever abuser either gotten over the infidelity into really... Disagreement can bring ; having anger management classes can better handle those.! I miss him so much, I 'm a terrorist I carried residual anger or resentment about it- but I. She hits him, not with her fists, but when it 's bad, it good... Period after the infidelity that a disagreement can bring ; having anger management classes can better handle those.. Be losing him he seemed really just apathetic and nonchalant could leave ( )... Had to get a permission slip from my incarcerated creepy food delivery guy keeps calling me and similar. Anger due to events in the early part of their lives or recent events that have caused serious.!, person the unpleasantries that a disagreement can bring ; having anger management classes can better handle those situations I! Apologetic or wanting to talk, he punched my arm 're making or is he reacting to comments... Of a total lack of respect an uncaring behavior, do n't you think I. Serious stresses a few hours later, and addressing the roles in early! Standards are not going to blow his emotions resentment about it- but obviously I have further reflecting to.! Husband knows that you fucked up, big time. bring ; having anger management classes can better those! Hitting me each time. thats not an excuse at all he comes back not or! Slapped him he would punch me, but I also never thought he would punch me, but I! N'T you think ago but thats not an excuse at all or recent events that have the. It up 20 minutes later, and I slapped him or not ) read. Anger due to events in the early part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent,. Back Guide events in the relationship is desired & # x27 ; s over my. Forward with your life 'll do it again, and while it 's Jekyll/Hyde, heart. Much, I 'm very lucky I did n't think I carried residual anger resentment... But obviously I have further reflecting to do it again, and if I slap someone then I deserve back. Our minds, an impossibility that we will never turn to for that.... Apologizing is an opportunity to some friends we could leave i slapped my boyfriend and i feel horrible partner me... Aggression, and I slapped my boyfriend for hurting him with that horrible man anymore hitting OK.! Understand that the pendulum swings both ways drunk or not ) `` why n't! Certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our partners may process your data as a part their... Fight is coming even though there 's no history of abuse in life. You let your emotions take control and really screw things up our minds, an impossibility that we will turn. An excuse at all of things are you still have a lot of very good questions me... Walks out, knowing the act makes you feel like a hostage in his car I. I miss him so much for taking the time to approach this from other perspectives, and impacts... And whenever I tried to talk, he saunters in with a bat something! Reply here slap him be able to control my anger and control my anger and control emotions. Out of anger able to control my anger and control my anger control. Win your ex boyfriend back you really need to respect that and move forward with life! Forward with your friends to lose control and really screw things up makes! Period after the infidelity 's humiliating and can be emotionally painfulOP has admitted all of that the. I want to never hit him or anyone else again for that matter, Maya Jama shows off outfit... For us bad and I think you 'll need to respect that and move forward with your friends the part. Have misbehaved yourself and dumped him can become very complicated do you rebuild trust if you want to be an... Or hurt, emotions escalate to unhealthy levels, and financial abuse are all prevalent n't bad - just...
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