Sara Blank: Don't rub your feces on the lampshade. I’m back in high school, living at home, and discovering all sorts of things about my body. Coach Wolf: “Jerri, uh, what does V-I-C-T-O-R-Y spell?” Jerri Blank: Yeah. Geoffrey Jellineck: [laughs] He's just kidding we're not lovers, we just have sex. Jerri Blank: What's the difference between being married and in love and being horny and in the back of a car? Tammi Littlenut: Are you thinking about having sex already? I am a certain someone who is in certain danger of having a certain terrible secret revealed by another certain someone. Those were some good times. “Hello, I’m Jerri Blank and I’m a 46-year-old high school freshman. Columbus here, fighting the pilgrims as they attempt to land. My friends were dealers, cons and eighteen-karat pimps. Coach Cherri Wolf: Well, if I told you the lesson, you wouldn't be learning it. Let's do something girly. Jerri: “V, I, C, T, O, R, Y” As long as it doesn’t interfere with your having sex.”. Jerri Blank: Somebody's been drinking. Jerri Blank: Number one- get your chubby chimp-claws off the copper-top. *’s hungry, baby.” — to Jellineck in his jail cell, from “The Trip Back”, “I hate to burst your bubble there, Tam, but that’s not Blackman.
So, why don’t you come over to my crib after school, and I’ll make your pinky aaaall stinky. And he says 'No! It makes me as damp as a cellar down there - all mildewy. Tammi Littlenut: Do you wanna go to the bathroom and talk? So I turned to pot hoping it would solve all my problems. Chuck Noblet: Tina, an ugly woman is never a reward. Derrick Blank: Well, I punched this loser in the head - he was coming out of study hall - I blindsided him. And then they're gone forever. Jerri Blank: [to Alan, the blind student] I think it's brave of you wanting to play football. Jerri Blank: They never did find out who gave Poppy the drugs, so I guess justice was served. What kind of marriage is this? Sara Blank: All right. Hobocamp? I'm gonna name you Dizzy. Anywhere. Chuck Noblet: So, is there no Mrs. Jellineck? Orlando Pinatubo: You should run for homecoming queen, Jerri. I like me. Jerri Blank: [to Jellineck, in prison] My asshole's is hungry, baby. Strangers with Candy is a television series produced by Comedy Central. Chip? Fran: Am I? Chuck Noblet: Can anyone tell me the tragic irony of the Trojan War? Mr. Chuck Noblet: Noone makes friends with a failure. Jerri Blank: Do a lot of the people die of the syphilis? It's just a coincidence that I have a love of gambling and booze and a knack for catching syphilis. Jerri Blank: Come on, pick me. I'm Jerri Blank, and I'm a forty-six year-old high school freshman. Charles 'Chuck' Noblet: SHUT YOUR DIRTY LITTLE MOUTH! Its timeslot was Sundays at 10:00 p.m. (ET). Jerri Blank: Someone punched me in the head when I was coming out of study hall today. Why don't you go let him love you someplace else for a while? I attended the school board meeting this morning, and they all had their little laugh. Great my onion rings are burned! I'm not the same Jerri Blank who revealed the hiding place of those Guatemalans... such as yourself. [holds up violin] We can throw this. I stole the TV. I know, I've taken a few of them apart and every time I put them back together, there's always a few extra parts laying around. Chuck Noblet: Don't be afraid to get personal. Orlando Pinatubo: In my country, you'd be a real queen.

OK, here it is. Sara Blank: And here's my one-woman production of "Twelve Angry Men".

Chuck Noblet: Following his violent revolution, Gandhi was devoured by his followers. Chip Beavers: That the mighty warrior Achilles was killed by a small cut to his ankle. Web. Mr. Geoffrey Jellineck: Gay people! Jerri Blank: It wasn't a prank. Think about it. They're adorable.

It's for real, stepmother. Poppy Downes: And meanwhile, our brothers from the east were eating bowls of rice safely nestled in their internment camps. I'll never get this one back. Jerri Blank: Can't you just drill a hole in his head to let the demons out? Author and cupcake lover Amy Sedaris brought Blank’s bizarre character to life. [Pours bottles into the sink] say goodbye to my mixers. Because I'm not. My ovaries are diseased.”, “Maybe it’s time to stop not doing what you pretended you can do and can’t, and start doing the thing that you can’t do, but can no longer pretend that you can.”, “Are you as real as the Demon with 100 Eyes?”, “Just trying to keep the boulder in front of my love cave.”, “If someone tells you that you’re beautiful and that they love you, chances are they’re just trying to brainwash you into being happy. And that's the difference. I was a boozer, a user and a loser. 32 years ago I dropped out of High School and ran away from home. [laughs]. Quotes.net. Sure beats doing it!”, “Boy am I thirsty. Hi, I'm Chuck Noblet. 100% The Fagonokolises are good people. Chuck Noblet: Oh, absolutely. Charles 'Chuck' Noblet: Be careful, if provoked she could fly into a rage with the strength of an ape and no remorse, not even a bullet could bring her down. Jerri Blank: Good people? Sara Blank: Oh Jerri, I'm sorry. She’s diabetic.” — making excuses for Sara’s drunken behavior, from “Dreams On the Rocks”, “Poor Southerners are hi-LAR-ious.” — responding to Sara’s comment about a hillbilly’s rifle, from “Ask Jerri”, “Hmmm, that’s funny. Ho-hobocamp.” . Coach Cherri Wolf: Come get the baby, Jerri. It wiped out the Romanovs, it decimated our fleet at Pearl Harbor, and of course, Fidel Castro impersonated Marilyn Monroe and gave President Kennedy a case of syphilis so severe that eventually it blew the back of his head off.
We'll go through the furnace and then out the air shaft! You're not a prisoner here. Principal Onyx Blackman: Are you insane in the membrane? Jerri Blank: And what are the odds he might recover? Jerri Blank: You don't have to make a tinkle or a poo-poo? Comprend-zay vous? When you walk 'til you limp and give a cut to a pimp, you're a street whore. Bring a book.”, “I’ll never slap you around, unless of course you get out of line.”, “I don’t have to make the debate team. These popular taglines can be given credit for creating some of the most memorable advertising on television. I traded you for a guitar.

It first aired on April 7, 1999, and concluded its third and final season on October 2, 2000. Hmm! Tina: But wasn't recovering the king's wife reward enough for the Greeks? We do. Jerri Blank: Well, I have to go to the ladies room. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels? Charles 'Chuck' Noblet: Hot... ass-thumping... sex. Look, when Blackman gets here I’ll tell him the whole truth. Thirty years.

Geoffrey Jellineck: Jellineck. Historically, syphilis is right up there with Germans. 23 Oct. 2020. Jerri Blank: Being a virgin is a wonderful and precious thing to hold on to. Stew: Which one? Mr. Chuck Noblet: What's your favorite food? I was a boozer, a user and a loser. They didn't sacrifice coconuts to their monkey gods. Call your parents, have them come and pick you up. Okay Jerri, now why don't you make it quick? Orlando Pinatubo: Hey, Jerri. Jerri Blank: "Packing a Musket", by Jerri Blank. [laughs] My asshole's hungry, baby. Chuck Noblet: Wrong and no. Geoffrey Jellineck: If wishes and buts were clusters of nuts, we'd all have a bowl of granola. People change. Just none I've carried to full term. So, why don't you come to my crib after school and I'll make your pinky all stinky. Jerri Blank: I don't know anything about Indians because I'm *not* an Indian! And then I laughed REALLY hard.

I'd be teaching it. The objective is to win, or, rather, to attack Jerri. I’m not the same Jerri Blank who revealed the hiding place of those Guatemalans… such as yourself. And I'm a caribou. Bring a book. Copyright © 2020 jerriblank.com. I'm trying not to scratch it, Orlando, I'm afraid it will get infected. Dr. Trepanning: Jerri, the brain is a delicate and highly complicated organ.

Jock: The only thing we hate more than racists... is spicks. with a hint of epilepsy. No one is certain what exactly the Native Americans did to the poor creatures, but whatever it was, it caused the buffalo to become so depressed, that when the white men came, the buffalo committed suicide by jumping in front of the white men's muskets. Tina: Um, that horses are friendly creatures yet a hollow, wooden one was used to destroy Troy? Harken to my voice! "Messianic Cult moves to Flatpoint"? And I have a good chance at winning.

Jerri will defend the godless savages, and everyone else will attack Jerri. Gooks! Ho... hobocamp!

How did you find out, did you make a pass at her? But now I’m out of jail, picking up my life exactly where I left off. Enter if you dare... Cassie Pines: Dad's alive and yours is dead and ain't nothin' gonna change that! Jerri Blank: I have to snitch on my locker mate. We don't have attack dogs lurking in the alligator-infested swamps surrounding this compound.

Mr. Chuck Noblet: Geoffrey!

Template:Wikiquote quotes Jerri: Extra, extra, read all about it.

Jerri Blank: Dr. Trepanning, can you get all the crazy out of my daddy? Tammi, you wanna come along? Jerri Blank: Well technically, he's not my son.