Yeah, yeah, I borrowed it off a buddy of mine. ", "They want you to say grace. You about ready to do some kissing?

He took my house, I took the RV. All of the Adults except Eddie: "Oooh! Just a real nice surprise. But, here if this gets dented, then my hair just ain't going to look right. Ellen: "Great." Everybody: "One nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all." He's got it up. ", "They walked out into the woods, they picked out that special tree and they cut it down with their bare hands. ", "Well' could you just keep it in mind the next time you go berzerk? ", Russ: "You know dad, I've been thinking. We're on the threshold of hell! The bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night, that our flag was still there." ", Clark: "We're all right.

It is goooood!

Here's a little list. ", Aunt Bethany: "Tihs house is bigger than your old one. The man was was wearing a blue leisure suit. I had to sell off the house, the barn, the ten acres. Clark: "College?" Only problem is, he's got a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him. ", Clark: "This is what Crritsmas is all about. And, get me somebody while I'm waiting. ", Cathrine: "You remember Ruby Sue?" Clark: "They walked out into the woods, they picked out that special tree and they cut it down with their bare hands." ", Clark: "Oh, no. Alexander called this morning and Grandpa Clark told him I couldn't come to the phone because was going to the bathroom. Clark: "(laughs) I was just looking at something for my wife, god rest her soul." ", "Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel? ", Clark: "So, when did you get the tenament on wheels?" Christmas Vacation. ", "Tihs house is bigger than your old one.

Aunt Bethany: "Hello, everybody?" Audrey! Oh my gosh, her eys aren't crossed anymore." When out on the lawn, there arose such a clatter, I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter. He's got a lip fungus they ain't identified yet. I was just smelling - smiling. Removed the line "Laimens terms, none of that inside bullshit jargon nobody understands.". Clark: "You got to be proud." Happy Hanukkah", Mary (Nicolette Scorsese): "Can I show you something?" ", "I con't believe you're actually standing here in my living room Eddie. Clark: "Isn't it a beaut Audrey?" You know I told you I borrowed the RV from my neighbor? Ellen: "Clark? ", "You're fired. Digitally cleaned up the snow to cover the visible cords used to create the fire trail. ", "Well, can we at least forbid them to answer the phone? ", "It's the Christmas star, and that's all that matters tonight. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol. ", Russ: "Well dad, it was a good try." You don't got to put your coat to go to the bathroom. Removed Peggy Sue's comments about Santa being fake. Clark: "Ah! ", "I had to have it replaced, because everytime Cathrine revved up the microwave, I'd piss my pants and forget who I was for about a half-hour or so. jeez! Viola!" Uncle Lewis: "At least, it's out of it's misery. ", "You just cocked it up. Kiss my ass. Ellen: "Well' could you just keep it in mind the next time you go berzerk?" But, don't you go falling in love with it now, because, we're taking it with us when we leave here next month. ", "Well, I don't know what to say except, it's Christmas and, we're all in misery. Just glad to be here." Eddie: "No, I'm doing just fine Clark. I've gotten a bonus every year but this one. I got to get to bed, brush my teeth, feed the hog. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. ", "I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the rebublic for which it stands. Clark: "Pretty name Ed." Russ: "You think you might be overdoing it dad?" Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. You ain't never seen a set on a dog like this one's got, clark."

Will you just take it easy Ellen? ", "By the way, I uh hope my report helped out at the trade show. Everybody: "Oh say does that star spangled banner yet wave. Well, of all the cheap lousy ways to save a buck." I'm getting around this egg timer. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. Se, I don't know what to do. But, Eddie wanted to make it a surprise. Mary: "For your wife or your girlfriend?" Clark: "We're here!" Kiss his ass. It wouldn't be the christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than - hotter than they are. ", "For christ's sake, I didn't do this on purpose.

", Todd Chester (Nicholas Guest): "Hey Griswold, where do you think you're going to put a tree that big?" ", Aunt Bethany: "What's that sound? ", "Yeah, it sure does. ", "It's a good idea you came to stay with us, isn't it? Clark: "Yeah, it looks so nice parked in the driveway." So, Carl, whatever you got last year, add 20 percent.

I got to get to bed, brush my teeth, feed the hog. (Clark turns the chainsaw blade toward him.) Removed Clark pulling out a pair of panties from a burnt present. ", "What is it, a letter confirming your reservation at the nut house?

I don't want to spend the holidays dead." ", Eddie: "And, this here's aur pride and joy, Snots." ", "It's a one year membership in the jelly of the month club. Mary: "Can I take something out for you?"

Calrk: "It's from my company." Audrey: "I can't feel my leg." Removed the scene of Clark and Ellen discussing wanting to buy gifts for Cousin Eddie's kids. (Eddie is talking about the cat food jello. And, don't forget the rubber sheets and the gerbils. So, he cuts it off with the chainsaw.) I've always wanted to do this. ", Clark: "If this isn't the biggest bag over the head, punch in the face I ever got. Removed the line "And a hell of a good cook. Alexander called this morning and Grandpa Clark told him I couldn't come to the phone because was going to the bathroom." Mr. Shirley: "I'm sure it did Grisball. Removed the line "And an asshole, in his bathrobe...", Removed the line "Have you checked our shitters, honey?". ", "Oh no no no, she's not dead. (laughs) Good golly. ", "You know dad, I've been thinking. ", "In seven years, he couldn't find a job? Ellen: "Are you okay?" ", "Well, see the plate runs right underneath the part here. If only I had back the money that me and Cathrine sent that TV preacher that was screwing the hockey players." This may be his last Christmas." ", "If he keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas. Kids, come on out here and see what Uncle Clark's done to the house." Here's a little list. Yeah it's a non-nutritive cereal varnish. And, a hell of a good cook. And where's the phone, I'm calling the police. If I had a log, not in the sence that you think I said I did. ", "Yes, it's a bit nippely out. He read that squirrels were high in cholesterol." No, no, no. Nobody's walking out on this fun old fashioned family Christmas. But, I don't think we're lucky enough to have him break his neck. Alphabetical, starting with Cathrine. Eddie: "His kids can fend for themselves. You ever see her?" Is it real?" ", "Well, I can't lie to you Clark. ", "Surprised Eddie? ", "What? ", "I'm sure he'll fall. If you rub it for me, I'll give you a whole quarter. Ruby Sue: "Shitting bricks." How could they get any worse?

", "Do you honestly think I don't know that? Snots, you roll over and let Uncle Clark scratch you belly. Eat my Rubber! And, there are plenty of shopping days left until aduteries - adulthood - which is to say christmas, as in yule, yule log. Maybe we ought to go up there and just get...", "Whoo!

We're at the threshold of hell! Clark: "I didn't go berzerk.

It creats a surface 500 times more slippery than any cooking oil. Clark: "What about the kids?" Eddie?" ", Cathrine: "We were going to call. Removed the line "Where's Eddie, he usually eats these goddamned things? ", "Alright, he's still fired, and you are going to jail. Cousin Cathrine (Miriam Flynn): "Oh, the house is gorgeous Clark." ", Clark: "Where do you think you're going? ", Eddie: "Merry Christmas, bleepter was full! EMBED. ", "And the rockets red glare. ", "Oh boy, this is a surprise Clark. ", "I love it here. ", "I don't know about the cat, but I sure am enjoying it. ", "Before we begin, since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of grace. It's a good looking vehicle, ain't it? The blessing!" I'll uh park the cars and uh, I'll be outside for the season. I was expecting a check. ", Cousin Ruby Sue (Ellen Hamilton Latzen): "Him's nervous because Christmas is almost here." Police: "(They break down the door. I simply solved a problem. We didn't do nothing wrong, and we still got the shaft. If only I had back the money that me and Cathrine sent that TV preacher that was screwing the hockey players. We're really going to fly down the hill with this stuff." It wouldn't be the christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than - hotter than they are. Frances: "Oh yeah. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm in the middle of an important call. Clark: "No, Bethany, those are just Christmas lights." Share to Pinterest. Removed the line "She wrapped up her damn cat.". Nora: "Amen." Ellen: "Hello, everybody.

Yeah, last season he was a pixie-dust spreader on the Tilt-O-Whirl. The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow, gave a luster of midday to objects below. What happened? You want something you can be proud of, don't you? (As the new Griswold family Christmas tree comes crashing through their window. Uncle Lewis: "Jesus, did the room clear out? Ellen: "Clark, we're stuck under a truck." I hope it enhances you holiday spirit. It's a funny squeaky sound." What is it? Clark: "Honey please, I'll do the driving okay? See, over here, nothing. ", "Oh, Uncle Lewis, you didn't have to buy me anything. Clark: "Worse? What it does is it coats and seals the flake, prevents the milk from penetrating it." He's all right now. ", "Yeah, we named him that because he's got this sinus condition. Nobody's leaving. ", TV Parade Announcer: "Boy, these gusty winds appear to be playing havoc with the giant nutcracker float. Eddie: "I appreciate that Clark." ", "Well, I'm sleeping with your father. Uncle Lewis: "Amen. Smaller? Everybody: "(Gasping with excitement.)" ", Audrey: "Would it be indecent to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?" Aunt Bethany: "Is this the airport Clark?" Uncle Lewis: "That ain't the firggen Christmas star Gris. All I kept was a 50-foot plot, the pigs and the worm farm. Art: "What is it, a letter confirming your reservation at the nut house?"

", "Thanks Eddie. ", "Well, I hope nobody I know drives by and sees me standing in the yard staring at the house in my pajamas. If he was so real, how come we didn,t get squat last year?

Yeah, she's ugly as sin, but a sweet gal. You don't want him around if you're wearing short pants if you know what I mean. Something really nice. ", "She's got these big horns growing right out above her ears. Clark: "You shouldn't use that word." And Mama in her kerchief and I in my cap had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap.